The way you grabbed me, held me there, choked me till I couldn’t breathe. All without touching me. Lifted me so high so I could no longer touch the floor, only to come crashing down, having abandoned my legs, long ago. I do not recall making that choice.
How to use them now, I don’t remember. I do not know. Suddenly in the ring with a stranger who had once been familiar. My only friend now a sudden danger, someone I had believed would never turn on me. Is the one who has become my enemy. Tells me she is the same as always making me feel crazy.
. My only choice was self abnegation at this time I withheld such ideation. To give you up would render me all alone, to keep you meant my own demise. But only so long could I believe in such disguise.
It’s like learning to walk again. After you. The way you dragged me over and through. That dance. Those steps. The heights. The crashing lows always bringing me again and again to. That unfamiliar night that became as familiar as it was unwanted. As magnetic as it became haunted. Always that sense of Nostalgia …bringing me back
Like a Pavlov trained dog
Always back to you. That space in between. That which I hadn’t known before which without my permission or conscious knowledge, became your new throne. But that then I didn’t know.
I don’t remember. I do not know.. now suddenly you are cast as the hero in a story bo longer my own. It’s as though suddenly my own was stolen. I had something to say!. But no words come out. I am silent now. You don’t like my words. They seem to somehow make you unnerved. Everyone else now in the shadows.. how did I get here. How did that happen, I don’t remember. I do not know. I only know the you who caught me , then brought me here. The travel I cant recall. Took me To the place I now inhabit. As familiar as a shoe Yet all brand new. Where do i know you from? Are you Whom I met, or someone I now i need know, my own self a foreigner. There no longer was a Me. It all like a dream. Some other life, life behind. All others distant now. This dance. Just Me.