I never lost myself these last seven years, i was just unable to exist in ego, too occupied i was with dealing with the immediacy of each situation as it arose, whether it was injury, legal, attempting to evade harassment by entities entrusted to protect me as a citizen, things that would put anyone’s life one hold, disable them from being the person they would have been otherwise.
But even though their conduct resulted in their need to clutter my record with charges to ensure i am not credible, even though I havent been able to work despite holdin g a found year Masters in Counseling from 2007, I am the same person as i was when i moved here initially with those very plans. And the only reason i come to feel any lac of esteem is a result of not having had the choice to engage in meaningful productive activity as any person has the right to when they have not committed a crime. Without any choices to integrate into society there i have always entered the stream thereof, there isn’t any way to have the life i would have, not the credibility needed to adopt a child. My life, already drastically;;y altered ny severe injuries caused in effect of the same parties holding me hostage for the past give years, would be even further altered. I wouldn’t be able to manage not being able to have a life after so much has already been lost and taken.
But no matter what happens ? I am THE SAME person. Wiser, stronger and having gotten myself through what my attorney pointed out was more than lucky in that only about five percent of those who experienced what i did, escaped the system which attempted tot make them into the criminals they had originally wrongly suspected them to be. And they were wrong. But as i learned, they will never admit this, and instead, cover their tracks. And if that first time doesn’t work, they will try again and get more officials involved. In my instance over a dozen. Attempts were made to charge , falsely incarcerate me and on one instance, make an attempt on my life
And perhaps the worst of it? Is I do not know what of all it I CAN OWN. I wish all of it i could as that is easier than resentment. I also wish it were a relatable experience as oppose to one, should i mention or attempt toEXPLAIN, would have the recipient, call me crazy. Trust me, i know. I trued to get hep for my initial injuries which went untreated and when i attempted to explain why wasn’t initially Able to? (The cop had been solicited and lied on the accident report stating i was going 2mph under the speed mandated to bring someone to the ER when the truth was that i crashed at 45mph. Not 18mph/ It was confirmed SIX years later by MRI i nearly died of brain death that night due to lack of initial TX; oxygen to the brain and thereby have severe atrophy to that of an 80year old and temporal lobe seizure disorder)
Anyhow, prior to this evidence should i in any way try and explain why i couldnt get help that night or after? Well..Then i sounded crazy. And years later in an attempt to get work? First I would say it was a and time in my life, but that felt unfair as the charges literally had nothing to do with y actual conduct bit to explain this and why> again to anyone who didn’t know me, this all would make me into who i am not before i even had a chance. And i will no longer DO THAT UNTIL MY RECORD IS ANNULLED>
The state is terrified ill be credible and able to press charges against them for their human rights isolations in 2011. I wont get into how and why nut they know their guilt and how easily it can now, with all the old and now new medical evidence and a expert neurologist witness from Dartmouth Hitchcock? Trust me, with credibility, i could get a LOT OF DAMAGES AND A LOT OF PEOPLE IN TROUBLE.
I only WANT TO BE ABLE TO WORK. If THAT IS NOT MADE POSSIBLE, then i will go ahead with a case against the state as well as Officer Goard and those present the day i was torn from my apartment then three weeks later, the night of my arrest . I would with the evidence have a solid case for for human rights violations . Even with my record as it stands, there will be good reason it was falsified as it was and has been. And push it> ill bring the 2015 into it
Allow me to work? Or ill use the TIME ELSEWISE
SO I NEVER lost myself at all, i was there all along and realized. I am not my ego and it’s construction, but Gods creation