Tricky truths

I Am a product of my blood upbringing and experiences and experiences integrated at first subjectively, tasted, smelled, felt. and then further distance more objectively. In other words I am more able to respond to what happened in my past them react to it just disabling emotional connectives, that when once disrupted or threatened and lack of adequate social support system can bring up a variety of behavioral disturbances. With adequate social support I do not care what others think and I never have and I say that as someone with autism who was literally not directly clued in with the desire to connect to others more than what I was interested in, end it took a lot of experimentation and years to finally find out what that is. To know what the senses alone can not tell us.

My prize cloud. Taken in Ogunquit Maine. All rights in regard to writing and photos exc. reserved

Sometimes truth is truly more unbelievable than fiction but I won’t Lie to be believed. And my honesty has cost me. Quite a high price. If you consider what American values to be of high value. Ironically the credibility given to me could only be given by those who were aware that my truth was no fiction at all, by those who had harmed. It all became something i couldn’t speak is of for many reasons, but at the start had to. Social media and making certain federal and state midconduct and civil violations public, saved me more than once from a false disappearance or at one time an unnecessary third transfer when there was no legitimate legal basis for even the First. And those incident are two I can think of off the cuff. Before I say any more I will say this. I am no victim. And would not want anybody else’s story save the crippling disabilities it all left me with. The harrassment, beatings, what is never discussed in the news and media but is as Real as the rise of ‘racism’. Perhaps directing our attentions towards misconduct that pales relatives to the rightZ that are slowly being revoked guy every American in effect of their signing on with governmental assistance 90% of them having no idea that in doing so they are forfeiting their fourth amendment rights as well as others. But this isn’t a story of current events, those you can catch on any news briefing. This is a story you wouldn’t ever hear on the news. One which undermines everything the governing entities of this country allegedly stand for. And by. But they do not. They stand by one another. Blue covers blue. And there’s is hardly an exception to this. Thick of thin, that is the hard reality.

How does one begin to tell a story of what they are not allowed to tell. When I say allowed, I mean to tell a story in so far as there is no punishment for it. Whether by the legal entities or those whose interventions and collaborations have already caused much grief. Short of the actuality being told, I’ll only be known as a false version of myself. And with a pending third contrast MRI for liver cancer? I don’t feel as though I any longer have much time to waste … my body acts different, far older than it should and given I was in prime condition and prided myself on being very healthy, I do know, It only survived because I prepared it to. Sometimes God has us do things and we don’t know any under the time. Like his throwing me in the KSU peace academy Afyer graduate school for education psychology… my friend’s bafflement over my sudden transition. Her bafflement matching my own though I still never questioned my decision. One that served me well beyond any direction I could have possibly known. As thirteen years ago I never would have guessed the underbelly of the government or so corrupt and unable to take accountability…Many decision in the last ten years were made without direct thought but by some directing force not controlled by my own mind her hand. I had no idea how much I’d need His….

…and he did give it to me, I grazed by grace, when I needed it the most. When it was literal life or death .

I speak of what happened or why Not to sensationalize but becauseI suppose that’s because this is how it’s supposed to be told. And unlike the several dozen other attempts this times, but this time, I will just write it and let it be. Let it flow as it needs to be. So it should be with any TRUE story, that and good editing. Would you not suspect my credibility should this story seem too structured or deliberate in its retelling? And that is not the way. It nothing but unexpected events for a decade that has left me with little defense against many things but far stronger still in other. To go back over it might mean embellishment, falsification or changing parts of it. It has to be said however if only for a reason that I am likely of the 1% is survive the ordeal that I underwood. Perhaps I am meant to be a voice for all those snuffed out as mine should have been and would have been where it not for certain divine and other interventions. Fact is, one of the lucky 2% who escaped with my freedom and life intact.

I ended up severely federally disabled in September of , 2011 although I was never formally diagnosed until seven years after that and the reasons for that are as complex as they are unbelievable truths… but I refuse to lie to be believed I refuse to lie to seem honest or accountable but the fact is my truth seems just to unbelievable. That’s too bad. Four boxes of reports before redaction or falsification will help prove that. I should start scanning…Sometimes I wonder if I will ever again be known, for reasons far beyond my control and decades in the making, at seven a foretelling. A dream, one of the very few I remember in which all was taken to the degree I was unable even to see or have grounding in reality to steer myself or think correctly, as though my reality were slowly crumbling. But there was a darker edge, two thieves, shadows, unknowns, whether they were human or something worse, peolle i lnew. Ironically or darkly coincidencantlky it was the only time both my parents came into my room to comfort me. My first question to them was whether they would ever hurt or take things from me. I was seven and trusted them completely. Never had it been called into question. With hushed and emphatic correction they said they never would do such things as that. Together with the words of my one tiered sister on a balmy trip to Bermuda twenty years ago to near to this day, I should have thought more but we do not question the intentions of those we love until their actions prove opposite their word.

I used to be me and was known for who that was and would be. My mother crowding out my ability to speak or be heard nearly to the degree this disability has left me alone and misunderstood as someone I am not. My actual self instead crowded out amongst the stories fed voraciously by a lack of show for justice, which would have been without failure had state and federal entities not been Responsible. And since when was the federal government indicted for solicited attempted murder exactly and it isn’t going to happen now…They say that justice and compassion heals even though the system truly is fucked. Money and power buy freedom so grave illegalities dont always equate into the justice is should bu American ideal. that doesn’t mean that that is what one receives, most especially when it is the federal state and local authorities who have committed the violations against you. Instead they Will attempt to every means and measure possible to make you into who they need to whether by false charge or defamation or both in order to get you for intent for what they had no warrant evidence or judges signature for at least not in my Instance And so due to being pulled from my home, the human rights violations, during their unwarranted federal search upon my place and person. Apparently, in 2011, there were just over 26,000 home invasions conducted in the name of so-called domestic terrorism, and apparently I was one that went horribly wrong…

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