Free write

It’s been a while

in many ways it’s easier to believe what justifies your actions or inactions your retaliatory, unethical or immoral intentions. So far to speak the truth has seems almost condemned always met with some punitive and whether by being pulled over and an innocuous message been given or some thing deliberately withheld in a passive aggressive manner that can’t be directly linked to what I stated but given the repetition in my knowing of a pattern after a decade of it I know when I’m being acted upon failed or not. It is as though to speak the truth is some aberrant behavior when their lies spread like a virus and snuffed outs ability to receive what I needed to heal. Justice and compassion. Impossible to receive when no one believes you and those that do? Allege it’s not true. Had I been heard, I would not be disabled. This doesn’t mean I blame them, it just means that if i had been left be? I would have been find despite all those whose accountability lose, would love to avidly contest that. Perhaps God doesn’t grant such the gift of knowing to trust that knowing to those who are only abuse these gifts. That’s for the best. Perhaps they are only given to those who must get through horrific of circumstances, perhaps God sees fit to make an example of the person, making them appear from the outside far different than how they are and feel so. they in such a way, are crucified, unknown in a new town away from those who watched them grow. I feel that example though I’m beyond far from the perfection of Christ, my unable to forgive with seemingly no Medforr’ however what I DID LEARN ? Was why punished not the sadistic strangers who beat him raw until deadX by those who had been his disciples, his ‘’friends’. For the same reason he repeated God forgive them they know not what they do, while those that do wrong or immoral and Do (know better)? It is far less forgivable to know better and act immorally than to do so out of ignorance or a leaner intellect

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